Alexa, please play dost dost na raha!
That’s our writer, he just had a friendship break up because he compiled a list of red flags to spot in friends. And guess what, out of the seven red flags on the list, his friend ticked 6!
While we comfort him with some cold coffee and a barbeque burger to cheer him up, why don’t you go through this list below and see if any of your so-called friends check this list?
Table of Contents
Their first response is always a NO
This is the easiest and one of the first red flags to identify in a friend. Inke NAA mein aur HAA mein, dono mein NAA hi hai. Whether it is to bunk classes to watch a movie, plan a midnight birthday surprise for someone or simply hang out at Ajay’s Cafe after college, their first answer is always a no. They agree only when a lot of people give them bhaav, try and convince them and make them feel they’re like some superstar. The only time their first response is a YES is when you offer them fries!
Never respond or react to your memes
It is an unsaid rule of friendship in the digital age, that one must at least use a crying-with-laughter emoji when a friend sends a reel or a meme on Instagram. Who are hese psychopaths jo seen pe chhod dete hai memes ko yar! Never trust people who claim to be your friends and do not respond or react to your memes. So what if they had seen the same meme just an hour ago on some meme page on Instagram?
They think cold coffee is a childish drink
If your friend says no to ordering cold coffee, it is fine. No kalesh, everyone has their choice. But if they then make you feel bad about it – then you must doubt if they’re actually your friend, yaa iske bheje mein koi chemical locha hai? There is nothing childish about cold coffee. Drag that friend to Ajay’s and make them try the Classic Cold Coffee. Deewana ho jayega! If they still think cold coffee is childish hai, we request you don’t go full Prajakta Koli from Mismatched from them. Bas apni thandi cold coffee se cool down your anger!
They never pay their share after outings
Nobody likes a mufti! And we have noticed from behind the counters of our Ajay’s Cafes, that there’s always that one fellow who will be the first one to order and the last one to pay their share of the total bill. Keep an eye out for such friends. They are probably hanging out with you because you always pay for their burgers, box cricket and even chai at the tapri below your office. We’re in the age of UPI, it hardly takes a few seconds to pay that ₹100 no!
They keep saying “Bas 5 minutes mein pohoncha!”
Have you ever wondered why ‘that one friend’ from the group is never on time? This person always arrives after the teams for the box cricket match are decided and always shows up after everyone has given their orders. And worse, he reaches the theatre much after the movie has started. And their bahanas? The cat fell sick, the neighbour’s house had no water, there was no fuel in the scooter and whatnot. Maybe, just maybe, the so-called friend never wanted to hang out with you all and was coming late on purpose. Spot this red flag and cut it off if you can.
Can't keep a secret
The most untrustworthy of them and one of the reddest flags in friendship is this. The foundation of any friendship is that you keep each other’s kaand and karam a top secret. If they go around telling your secrets to everyone, then you cannot be their friend. They’re the ones who will tell your mother that you were with your boyfriend/girlfriend instead of going to college.
Choose other burgers over Ajay's
This is the biggest red flag and the most non-negotiable red flag in any friendship. How can one choose a clown or a fake king’s place to hang out after work or class, when the best burgers can be found only at Ajay’s? In fact, we are pretty sure even the best pizza can be found at Ajay’s Cafe and not at the many American fast-food outlets that claim to make good pizza. Samajh lo, dost, vo saccha dost nahi jo Ajay’s Cafe ke burgers ko naa bole!
Some concluding thoughts
Phew! That was a lot of red flags, wasn’t it? Remember, friendships should be a source of joy, support and laughter. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and walk away from friends who bring you down or say that cold coffee is a childish drink and they don’t believe that the best burgers are from Ajay’s Cafe. The world is full of amazing people waiting to be your true companions. Now go forth and find those friends! Just maybe grab a cold coffee (because seriously, who can resist?) and celebrate the fact that you’re now a certified pro at spotting red flags.